Sleeping Alone: 10 Tips And Tricks For Helping Kids Stay In Their Own Bed Every Night

Ah yes...... that feeling when you’re about to put your children to bed and then a cold sweat starts running down your back because you know what’s about to come next..... “I want another bedtime story”, “I’m hungry”, “I heard some noises over there”, “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”, etc... If this sounds all too familiar to you, you’re possibly struggling with kids staying in their own bed at night. Of COURSE you want to comfort your child and just let them sleep in your bed to get at least a bit of rest, especially if it's already midnight or beyond. But is this beneficial for your child in the long run? It might encourage certain unwanted behavior, that could become a bad habit in future. Below you can find our top 10 tips and tricks for helping kids stay in their own bed every night.

Just in case you want to find sleeping tips for a specific age group, we've got you covered! Check out the blog articles below:

-> Little toddlers aged 1-3 years old

-> Children in the age group of 4-7 years of age

-> Kids between the ages of 8 and 12

Here are our best tips and tricks that apply to all age groups:

1. Helping your child get into the right state of mind

Self regulating at bedtime can be tricky (even for us adults!) The keyword here is “Routine”. Ensuring that you have a recurring bedtime routine is essential in assisting your child to get into the right state of mind and let them subconsciously know that it is time to wind down and sleep. Studies have shown that this routine should take about 20-45 minutes to help set the right mood. Limit pre-bed activities to about three or four actions and make sure these are relaxing. Don’t do anything that might stir up their emotions or physically and get them all wiggly again! As soon as you’ve set up and stuck to a certain pattern that indicates bedtime, you’ll see a change in their behavior. Without even knowing it consciously, your child’s body and mind will prepare to go to sleep while both of you run the bedtime routine. These subconscious cues and routines will help ready your child to fall asleep in their own bed.

2. Create a safe and comfortable environment

As banal as this sounds, using soft sheets, good light blocking shades and a night light can make a massive difference. Your child needs to feel comfortable in their own room if they are to be encouraged to sleep by themselves. This means that anything that gives your child a comfy physical feeling will benefit their sleep. For example, making sure that it is cool enough can have a big influence because any room temperature above 21.1 degrees Celsius might overheat your child’s body during their sleep according to Whitney Roban, a sleep specialist from America. A restless sleep may result in a child in your room in the wee hours or, an overtired child the next day due to waking in the night. Something as simple as keeping the noise down around bedtime in the rest of the household will also ensure an uninterrupted sleep with no waking up in between.

3. Eat at the right time

Eliminating the “I’m hungry” excuse is not just important for the hunger of your children but even more so for a smooth and easy falling asleep process. If your kids have satisfying meals at the right time, their sleep can drastically improve. Your children should preferably have their dinner 3 hours before bedtime and then another small snack about 45 minutes before sleeping. Being hungry or too full before going to sleep can give anybody a feeling of being unwell, especially children and their sensitive tummies. Check out some recipes for healthy snacks for children that will make sure you’re giving them the right food when they’re hangry!  

4. Regular waking up and sleeping times

To set the natural clock of your child is as important as having a clear bedtime routine. If your child goes to bed at around 6.30 pm and wakes up at around 6 am, try to keep this consistent. Do not vary these times for more than one to two hours every day, to give your child’s body consistency in when it should sleep and when it should wake up. At some point your little one will want to go to bed naturally at a certain time that you set as well as wake up at that certain time. Once these regular waking up and sleeping times are set, you won’t be struggling with kids staying in their own bed as they will be ready to fall asleep naturally.

5. Use the bed only for sleeping

Have you ever seen your child playing, using the computer or doing their homework during the day ON their bed? If so, try to discourage them from doing that. Otherwise this will have negative effects subconsciously on their brain, associating the bed with awake/stimulating activities and not just sleeping.

6. Encourage an active lifestyle

We all know our children are full of energy. If this energy is not expelled throughout the day, at night you may find they still have energy to burn. On average, every kid needs about an hour a day of exercise to burn off any excessive energy. If your child has had an active day, you may find it easier to put them to sleep without even needing a bedtime story, let alone giving them the chance to ask for a spot in your bed. But be careful to not have any energetic activities within two-three hours before going to bed. This might do the opposite and wake them up or get their adrenaline pumping. A walk around the block after school or before dinner is a great idea. Alternatively check out these 87 energy-busting indoor activities to make sure you’ll give you kids that perfect Zzz!

7. Ged rid of the blue light from screens before sleeping

It is scientifically proven that the blue light of electronic screens, wake up the brain of any person, no matter the age. It's no surprise if a child doesn’t want to sleep alone because it is too stimulated and wired up from all of the bright and colourful animations on screens. Make sure that if you use an electronic device for your child before sleeping, to turn on the blue light filter and don’t let them play or watch anything that might stimulate them massively. Especially very engaging mobile video games can have a negative effect on the sleep of children. Rather use an interesting but quiet app that might be implemented in your child’s bedtime routine on a screen with the blue filter switched on before sleeping. Lying in your child's bed with them and listening to an age appropriate sleep meditation app can be a bonding addition to the bedtime routine we spoke about earlier. Try not to stay until they fall right asleep or they might wake and get a fright when you're no longer there, prompting them to come and find you or climb in to your bed.

8. Make sure to spend enough time with your child

If a child doesn’t want to sleep alone, it could potentially be they are needing a little more one on one time with their significant caregivers. Family life is far busier than it was a generation or two ago and often we need to be intentional about slowing down and connecting with our kids. Especially at night, when everyone is home and distractions are winding down, you may find is peak time for your kids to try to get some extra attention and time from you, that was not possible throughout the day. Try to find some time when you come home to spend some quality time with your children even if it is just for 15 mins. Ask about their day or give them positive feedback that you noticed about them. If you are caring for a baby, make sure to spend 10 to 15 minutes of cuddling together and making eye contact for comfort.  

9. No long and late nap times

Try and avoid late or long nap times if your child is older than five years. For pre-schoolers, if these short day sleeps are longer than 20 minutes, you risk your kid not being tired enough to go to bed at night. The same problem occurs if the nap times are too late in the day, which means that your loved ones will be too energetic for bed time and won’t be in the right mood to sleep. This results in an even higher chance of children not wanting to sleep alone because they are not tired enough to fall asleep by themselves and might seek you out for comfort and/or company. Check out this super detailed nap guide.

10. Giving them positive reinforcement

Setting up a positive recognition system can work WONDERS. If your children are able to earn a small incentive for positive behavior like following the bedtime routine, it will add motivation and fun to the whole process and build lasting habits and positivity around sleeping. This technique is even more effective if you can visually track their progress and they can see how they go for themselves in real time. That’s where the Thumsters Parenting App shines. With the premium version of Thumsters, you and your child can customize the thumbs up and down reasons. 'Sleeping in my bed', 'Sleeping through' are great thumbs up reasons, or just the generic 'job well done!' Going straight to sleep will earn them a thumb ups that results in small rewards or if not followed consistently, a thumbs down is a gentle reminder (rather than yelling at them to get back into bed) that they are not following the routine you have set up together, and respectfully invites them to try again the next night. This shows them that positive choices, like following the bedtime routine and learning to enjoy independent sleeping, can have positive outcomes. Of course you can do much more than that with the the Thumsters premium version: family account sharing, detailed reports and a child’s companion app give you all the tools to help encourage positive behavior choices.  

Ready to transform your child's bedtime routine and establish healthy sleep habits? Download the Thumsters Parenting App today (click the buttons below!) and unlock the power of positive reinforcement! With Thumsters, you can create a customized system to motivate your child to sleep in their own bed, follow the bedtime routine, and develop independent sleeping skills. Say goodbye to nighttime struggles and hello to peaceful nights for the whole family.

Join thousands of parents who have already experienced the benefits of Thumsters. Don't miss out on this opportunity to create a healthy relationship around bedtime and make sleep a breeze. Download the Thumsters Parenting App now and watch your child thrive with positive choices and a peaceful sleep routine. Together, let's build a brighter future, one restful night at a time!

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